The Agony of Defeat

I had a great post written "in my head" Saturday morning.  I was setting off to do a 6 mile run.  It would have been the longest run I had ever done in my life.  Before training for the Annapolis 10 Mile that I am working towards at the end of the summer, the farthest I had run was a 5K (3.1 miles)  So, this would have been about twice that. 

Ya know how they say don’t count your chickens before they hatch?

Yea…don’t write your blog achievements before you actually do them.

I learned a few more things on my run Saturday morning.

• The later in the day you run, the hotter it is and thus the harder it is to run.  Sleeping in on Saturday was SO not worth it once I was running in the sun.
• Starting on a hill is the way to go.  I clearly do not know how to pace myself.  At home I start going up hill which really helps.  This time I started down hill and then flat…I burned out fast.
• When given the choice of running beside the water or under the shade of a building, I go with the shade.  Views are nice but when you are hot and tired, you’ll slow down for every tree you find.
• There is no stopping to get a rest for a minute… this is a deadly trap.

Yea, I tried that and I am sad to tell you I didn’t finish my run.  I was tired, and I gave up.  And the long walk back to my family waiting at the playground stunk.

I have never considered myself to be a competitive person.  I played lacrosse in high school (by play I mean I wore the uniform while sitting on the bench).  I didn’t really care if we won or loss, I was just there to have fun with my friends. 

But walking back from my run, I felt like crying.  I had a goal.  I wanted to run 6 miles that day and instead I ran less than what I had done in the past.  I couldn’t blame it on anyone.  I had no excuse.  I stopped.  I didn’t meet my goal.  I felt like for the first time I could relate to a receiver who was wide open but let the ball slip through his fingers, or the basketball player who missed the free throw shot…no one to blame but yourself. 

By the time I met up with my crew, I had a new resolve.  I would try again Monday.  I would not give up.   I have 4 weeks to prepare to run 10 miles.  Currently I know I can run 4 without a problem.  6 to go… Had I not set this goal for myself, I am confident at this point I’d give up.  I do not see that as an option since I have registered, blogged about it, and signed up with friends and family to run with me. 

So today I will try again.  I can only hope that the thrill of victory will be all the sweeter after tasting the agony of defeat this weekend. 

But I won’t write that post yet…