Stepping Out

When I started home schooling 4 years ago, I stepped back from most of my other responsibilities.  I wanted time to figure out the ropes of homeschooling in addition to taking care of my family.   But last spring, I started to feel a tug.  I was ready to serve again.  I wasn’t sure where or how, but I knew I wanted to serve in some capacity.  (Keep in mind this is not because after 3 years of homeschooling I suddenly had the homeschool thing mastered… truthfully this year more than ever I feel more nervous about our school year…. it’s because I think I realized that I didn’t want to wait till I had mastered it b/c truthfully I never will…)

So anyway, last spring I started to talking to Scott about my desire to get involved and serve the Lord.  He supported it.  Still I wondered where, how?

And then I got a letter from our youth pastor seeking helpers for the youth group.

This is not the first time such a letter has arrived in our mailbox.  In the past, I’ve gotten the letter, thought, “wow, I am flattered they’d ask me to help with youth group… I know nothing about teenagers.  Teenagers scare me.  There’s no way I could ever do that”  and so every year I’d send him a nice e-mail saying, thanks, but no thanks- my plate is full right now.

Until this time.

This time, I thought, “Wow, teenagers totally scare me, there’s no way I could ever do that…” I think I want to sign up.

I can’t explain why the change of heart, only than to say, I think it comes from God working in my heart.  I think I finally realized I am ready to step out of my comfort zone.  I think I finally realize how very little it has to do with me, and how much it has to do with Him. 

What do I, homeschooling mom of 4 young children have to offer a group of teens?

Nothing.

But, God has LOTS to offer them and I am exited and hopeful that He will use me to draw them closer to Him.  And conversely, I am hopeful he will use them to draw me closer to Him as well. 

On one hand there is a part of me that is absolutely terrified of  youth events.  I hate small talk.  I hate starting up conversations with people I don’t know well. I find spending time with large groups of people completely exhausting.  I find walking into a room full of teenagers completely intimidating… it’s like all those 9th grade insecurities come creeping back.  I’m not hip.  I know nothing of style (I text and e-mail my SIL when I need help putting together an outfit), what am I thinking?  My comfort zone is a world of play dough and goldfish.   I prefer squishing into chairs that are low to the ground and making time for “potty breaks.” 

But, you know… I am only 3 years away from having a middle schooler. (this thought instantly makes my breathing turn rapid).  What better time to learn about the world of teenagers than before I have one of my own? 

This weekend I’m heading off for my first “official” youth event.  It’s a staff retreat to get to know the staff I’ll be serving with and to further grasp the vision for the year.  Or as I told my 5 year old the other night when I explained why Mommy is going away for the weekend, “so I can learn how to teach teenagers more about Jesus.”  The week after that will be my first Sunday School and youth group event.  I am excited and nervous about this year.  But, I hope I am able to make some connections with some of the students and that together we’ll grow closer to Jesus this year.